My Beautiful Wickedness

Bring on the woo-woo.
August 5, 2008, 3:37 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Lately, I’ve been noticing stuff. It’s like I’ve been headed towards this particular life for a very long time without really knowing it.

Example: a dear friend was in France a couple of months before our wedding and bought us a large oval Provencal tablecloth. It really was breathtaking, with bright paisley patterns worked in red, blue, and sunny yellow…but we didn’t have an oval table. The tablecloth became one of those things you keep with you for sentiment’s sake, knowing that you’re never going to voluntarily run out and buy an oval dining table that seats a convivial table of 12 comfortably. Except, of course, what did my in-laws deliver for our new “library” dining area? An ancestral oval walnut drop-leaf table with three or four leaves that’s been in John’s family since 1870. Now, the much-traveled but little used tablecloth has pride of place and completes the room we just built, even down to the tying in of disparate colors in the artwork that I had hung before I knew we would be getting the table.

Example: Unpacking and cleaning out a box that has been packed since we moved from Iowa in 2002, I ran across a list I had made while pregnant. On that list was a pageful of the things I wanted to do with my child. Looking at the list less than a decade later, I’m surprised to find that I’ve done almost all of them. Maybe just announcing your intentions to the universe helps increase the chance that you’ll get to carry them out? I can’t imagine that I had that clear of an idea how to be the parent she was going to need me to be or that she would be the kid she is turning out to be, but maybe we are more instrumental in shaping them than I think.

There’s been a lot of stuff like that lately. Little reminders that I am always bringing my past forward with me. A caution, to be sure, to mind what I carry.


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