My Beautiful Wickedness


You know how you feel after you’ve cried really hard?
February 11, 2008, 1:36 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

That salty-eyed emptied feeling that leaves you feeling inert and quiet? Like you’re just too tired to keep on kicking up a fuss, but you are still sad?  That’s me these last few days.  There’s been no sunshine and it’s brutally cold up here — it’s like being in the underworld.  I am down, but not for any identifiable personal reason. I’ve just got this hatful of dissatisfactions, things that haven’t turned out like I intended them to, bumming out to realize that academic opportunities that used to be within my reach have now passed by into the hands of the younger, brighter, and better connected scholars while I’m stuck on the shelf past my academic sell-by date. I’ve got a general feeling of overwork and under-appreciation in my for-pay job and there’s a lot to do at home that neither of the adults have time to take care of, so the house is looking like a craphole. I’m immaturely dwelling on all that and scuffing up dirt with the toe of my shoes rather than taking some piece of it and working to fix it.  So it’s time to work and to bootstrap myself out of this.  I’ll write when I’ve got something other than a prolonged whine.

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4 Comments so far
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I don’t have any real wisdom or solutions, but for what it is worth there are a lot of people who care you are hurting and hope that you will find happier days ahead.

Comment by Gerald

Ah, the depths of February. Better days are ahead.

Comment by Krista

Nothing I can say will fix things, but I’m thinking about you.

Comment by listie

Cold is awful… I’m so sorry you’re darked up a bit…(been there done that, got the wardrobe)…Something will pull you out of it.

I’m sorry we can’t drink beer, play cards and paint a door fuscia….Naw, more of that immaturity stuff.

Here’s to some grown up fun…at some point…

Comment by imfunny2




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