My Beautiful Wickedness


Junkie
April 21, 2007, 6:31 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I drink coffee every morning and have begun my day with coffee for thirty years now. If I miss my cup, I’m throwing up by 11 am. I am an addict.

As Kat points out today, however, there are addictions and then there are addictions.

I have lower back pain that disrupts my sleep several nights a week. On the scale of pain that others endure, it’s small potatoes. I have medication that I can take that cuts it so that I can sleep. I rarely use the medication because I don’t want
to be addicted. I have a set of rules about when I can use it — have to have had three straight sleepless nights, has to be after midnight, have to have tried all the other things (gentle stretching, hot shower, meditation/self-hypnosis etc) before I “earn” the drugs, can’t take more than four in any two-week period — that skirt the kind of weird rule-making games (no drinks before noon means I’m not a drunk) that I see alcoholics engage in. All of this folderol for a medication that is putatively non-addictive, though studies disagree about this.

At least I am legally allowed to buy and take the medication I need. I wonder how common it is among those on the more able side of the continuum to fear drug dependency so much that we diminish our quality of life. I see much more sensible attitudes towards drug use among people in the disability community — use of medical technology as enabling devices rather than foolishly deciding to do everything the hard way…

The temperance movement has done Americans a real disservice by equating palliative care with moral failure.

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2 Comments so far
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re: sensible attitudes…I dunno.

I *know* what my addictions are, and mercifuly they are not to medications.

But I have a rule….over the counter is abused and overused (four Advil to *shut up* the osteoarthritis on a particularly chilled day.

At the end of my life, my kidneys will be damaged, and I’ll be angry.

But I have to *get* from here to there first…

The so called “addictive” prescription drugs actually *aren’t* if the pain level is high enough.(root canal or back surgery) You aren’t stoned, just able to function, talk to people, go to work The point is to quit when it quits hurting *that’s* when they do get you.

Comment by imfunny2

I meant to comment on this first thing yesterday morning and just spaced.

Anyway…

I do this, too. The whole “rationing meds” thing has gotten to be a sort of game with me. It does worry me, because it almost seems as though I impart TOO much power to the pills. With the supply and demand ratio so skewed, I find myself acting as though my pain meds were gold.

Comment by Katherine Coble




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